In addition to two typical candidates, the recent Idaho GOP primary debate featured a pair of fringe candidates, Harley Brown and Walt Bayes, whose head-scratching comments instantly generated nationwide attention.
Bayes was plenty bizarre himself, but it was the statements from Brown, dressed in a leather motorcycle jacket and hat, that were especially notable for their ridiculousness bordering on insanity.
Here are his comments in full from the 57-minute debate. They are all comedy gold…
To summarize, here are a few of Harley Brown’s positions…
On how he’ll govern…
As it says in my motorcycle club, “Hey diddle fiddle right up the middle,” that’s my style.
On why he’s running for governor…
I need practice! Practice! I don’t wanna say stuff [when I’m president] like, “Sorry if our bombing caused you any inconvenience.” So I wanna work in the Little Leagues as a governor. And you have your choice, folks — a cowboy, a curmudgeon, a biker, or a normal guy. Take your pick.
On political correctness…
I’m about as politically correct as your proverbial turd in a punchbowl, and I’m proud of it.
On his offensive jokes…
Those Harleyisms that I [posted to my website] had a lot of warning on there, you know, “You might find this offensive,” but I hit everybody — Jews, Polish people, Irish, Italians, religious jokes, and black jokes. And by the way, my wife screened that, and we took the real hardcore zingers out, so in case I catch any flak from people like you … I can fire that back and attack my attackers.
On taxes…
Taxes are a drag! I don’t even like to think about it, okay? Fighting the feds is more exciting for me.
On why he’s a Republican…
What, do you think I’d be a Democrat? I mean, their proctologist called, they found their heads. (I didn’t say any nasty words.)…
Now, the Libertarians and especially the Constitution Party, the little guys have some great ideas, but it’s hard to shoot down two big bombers with pea shooters, you know? Size matters.
On the kind of leader he is…
I’m a type AA-plus guy.
On his presidential campaign…
I said, God, how about putting me back on active duty and making me a battalion commander? Long story short he says, “No son, I got a higher rank for you, I’m gonna make you the commander-in-chief.” And I staggered not at his promise….
After God told me he was gonna make me president, I went out and got the presidential seal tattooed right here on my shoulder, my morale went from negative-500 to off the scale, and I started a presidential campaign right there….
I was living in Fat Jack’s cellar, ’cause my ex-wife got me trumped up on some restraining orders, so I couldn’t see my kids. It was a mess, and Fat Jack’s old lady — Fat Jack’s wife – said, “Get this lunatic out of my cellar! He’s starting a presidential campaign! I’m getting calls from the media!”
For three years I had the credibility of Chicken Little, you know, the sky is falling? And finally, one time, one day, this bishop from Africa comes over and he says, “I am a prophet of the most high God, and in that office I here authenticate that God told you that.”
I says, “Yeah? You mind putting that in writing? He said, “Sure.” And he put it in writing, and I’ve got the original at home. And I was able to go up to all my detractors and say, “Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.”
On his time in the military…
I was the youngest company commander in the United States Navy Seabees, you know, the Mud Marines, the naval construction forces, who turned Iwo Jima into something other than a photo op for the Corps.
On discrimination…
In 1990 — belay that — 1964, the blacks got the Civil Rights Act passed. We bikers…are cop magnets like a Playboy bunny wearing a mini skirt gets hit on all the time.
On gay marriage…
[T]hey have true love for one another. I’m telling you, they love each other more than I love my motorcycle. And, you know, they’re just as American as a Medal of Honor winner, and liberty and justice for all, equal protection under the law. I’m glad that judge made that decision, and I’m glad that they wanna get married and live like that. And I know I’m not really talking like a Republican.
On how he’ll take Idaho land from the federal government…
Here’s my plan of attack, okay? You go in there, and you use spiritual warfare…. You bind those evil spirits that are behind the feds with the blood of Jesus, the name of Jesus, the power of entombment of the Holy Spirit, the power of agreement, the word of God. Take air superiority and then roll in with your tanks on the ground like Troupis’s lawsuits — Blitzkrieg!
And there you have it. Harley Brown for governor!